The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've done larger things, but not better things; we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice; we write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but lower morals; we have more food, but less appeasement; we build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; we've become long on quantity, but short on quality.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition. These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit delete...

-Author Unknown

The TV is my shepherd, I shall want.
It makes me lie down on the sofa. It leads me away from the scriptures.
It destroys my soul.
It leads me in the path of sex and violence,
for the sponsor's sake.
Yea, though I walk in the shadow of my Christian responsibilities,
there will be no interruption, for the TV is with me.
It's cable and remote, they control me.
It prepares a commercial before me in the presence of worldliness;
It anoints my head with Humanism, My coveting runneth over.
Surely laziness and ignorance shall Follow me all the days of my life:
And I shall dwell in the house Watching TV forever.

-Author Unknown

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you - depending how you respond to them. Unfortunately most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring.

Here are five ways God wants to use the problems in your life:

1. God uses problems to DIRECT you. Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention? "Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways." Proverbs 20:30 (GN)

2. God uses problems to INSPECT you. People are like tea bags. . . if you want to know what's inside them, just drop them into hot water! Has God ever tested your faith with a problem? What do problems reveal about you? "When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience." James 1:2-3 (NCV)

3. God uses problems to CORRECT you. Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It's likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something ... health, money, a relationship. . . by losing it. ". . . It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws." Psalm 119:71-72 (LB)

4. God uses problems to PROTECT you. A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical his boss had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem - but it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management's actions were eventually discovered." You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good" Genesis 50:20 (NIV)

5. God uses problems to PERFECT you. Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are the only two things you're going to take with you into eternity. "We can rejoice when we run into problems. . . they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady." Romans 5:3-4(LB)

Here's the point: God is at work in your life - even when you do not recognize it or understand it. But it's much easier and profitable when you cooperate with Him!

1. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

2. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

3. Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

4. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

5. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair you once got from a roller coaster.

6. Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

7. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

8. Every time I think about exercise, I lie down 'til the thought goes away.

9. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

10. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

11. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

12. Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it "Closed for remodeling." **caution - leave air holes.**

13. I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

14. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

15. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

16. The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

17. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

18. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

19. Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

20. You don't stop laughing because you grow old you grow old because you stop laughing.

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

11. Remember half the people you know are below average.

12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.

21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

23. My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37states.

24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

36. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal is research.

40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

42. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.

44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catchup.

46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

52. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord. --Colossians 3:23

In prison, you spend your time in an 8x10 cell.
At work, you spend your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

In prison, you get three free meals a day.
At work, you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

In prison, you get time off for good behavior.
At work, you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

In prison, a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work, you must carry around a security card
and open all the doors yourself.

In prison, you can watch TV and play games.
At work, you get in trouble for watching TV and playing games.

In prison, they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work, you're not supposed to visit your family and friends
during working hours.

In prison, there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work, they're called managers.

Just kidding! Looking at work as "doing time" is a matter of our attitude.

I know, you're probably thinking, Easy for you to say. You work with Christians whom you respect. You're right. And I do love my job. But there are ways of making most jobs rewarding. In fact, when I was in high school, I worked at a fast-food restaurant and actually liked it! The right kind of attitude as you perform your job may mean smiling and being courteous to a customer (no matter how bad your day has been). It may mean working diligently as a team member on an assembly line (no matter how bored you are). Maybe you are the only Christian in an office where you hear a lot of cursing and dirty jokes. It makes your job so unpleasant, you're ready to quit (or . . . kick somebody!). Whoa! Perhaps God has you there for a reason. Maybe it's your quiet testimony to a co-worker. Maybe someone will see in you the love of Christ demonstrated for the first time. For you, your job is your mission field.

This week, ask God to give you a new perspective and the realization that you are not working just for your employer. You are working for Him! --CK

REFLECTION
* What kind of attitude do I have about my work? Why?
* If I were to view my work as serving Christ, what might change?
Work hard to please God--and you might even please your employer! -- MZ\'90

The following lines were taken from real resumes and cover letters and were excerpted from the July 21, 1997, issue of Fortune.

1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

2. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

3. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

4. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

5. Its best for employers that I not work with people.

6. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.

7. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

8. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

9. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.

10. I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

11. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

12. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

13. Note: Please dont miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

14. Marital status: often. Children: various.

15. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

ACTUAL announcements taken from church bulletins:

1. Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

2.Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

4. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

5. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

6. Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

7. Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

8. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

9. Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

10. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?". Come early and listen to our choir practice.

12. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

13. Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

14. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

15. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

16. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

17. The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

18. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.

19. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge-Up Yours".

21. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

22. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

23. The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

24. Evening massage - 6 p.m.

25. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

26. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

27. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.

28. Ushers will eat late-comers.

29. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

30. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

TOMBSTONES

The following were actually taken from recent classified ads in newspapers:

AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG

WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 88 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15

FREE PUPPIES: 50% COCKER SPANIEL - SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FULL SIZED MATTRES 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME. \

FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED CALL CHUBBIE

SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD.

HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED

AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

NOTICE: TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.

OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.